


Changes

by Sometimes_Is_A_Long_Time



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-16
Updated: 2020-12-16
Packaged: 2021-03-10 23:21:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,928
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28105404
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sometimes_Is_A_Long_Time/pseuds/Sometimes_Is_A_Long_Time
Summary: Bertholdt has to face the coming changes of his day to day life as a Scout.
Relationships: Reiner Braun & Bertolt Hoover, Reiner Braun/Bertolt Hoover
Comments: 3
Kudos: 39





	Changes

The mornings had been cold, winter was just around the corner. The few leaves left on the trees were a dark amber color, the rest of the leaves had since fallen onto the ground below, brightening the dead grass with oranges and yellows. Bertholdt never minded the winter, but autumn held a very different feeling. The calmness was almost melancholy. With so much loss and coldness in the air, the scenery had a beauty to it. Bertholdt was unsure whether he appreciated the season, or despised it. How could death be so beautiful?

"Bertholdt, are you coming?" Bertholdt was pulled from his thoughts, looking over his shoulder to meet a friendly face. Armin had stayed in the library with him, much like they had many times before. Both Armin and Bertholdt spent their evenings reading, when the time allowed for it. While normally, Bertholdt wouldn't have ever spent time with anyone new for long periods, in fear of growing fond of any of the people on Paradis, it was either this or sitting in the corner alone. Reiner stopped hanging around him in recent months, more concerned with his relationship with his  _ new friends _ . All that was left was Annie, but she was never the social type.

"Yeah, I'll be right there." Bertholdt stood up from the table, placing the small novel he picked out earlier back in its place on the shelves. Armin exited the building, leaving Bertholdt alone in the small library. Although it wasn't very large, the selection of books were oddly diverse and well-written, Bertholdt hadn't any easy access to books like this when he was younger, so he took no time exploring the ocean of content. Now that it was almost winter, the scouts had gotten a few days off before continuing their rigorous training. This left extra time to spend on hobbies, like reading.

Bertholdt exited the building, feeling the cold breeze on his face as he closed the door behind him. There was a group of people gathered in front of the dining hall, sharing laughs and loud conversations that Bertholdt often heard, but never interjected in. As he approached the group, the taller man wasn't surprised to see Reiner happily enjoying the banter.

"Bertholdt!" The blond pushed past the few people between the two men, and roughly grasped Bertholdt's shoulder. Everyone's attention had shifted to the two of them, Bertholdt could practically feel their eyes burn through him.

A forced smile was painted on his lips as he managed a, "Hello." Reiner spoke loudly, saying something entertaining enough to have a series of laughter and comments return from the group of people. But even so, Bertholdt hadn't heard a single word.  _ This felt like hell. _

After short conversation, many people began to migrate into the building, hungry for the first meal of their break. Bertholdt staggered behind, hoping to avoid anymore attention. Bertholdt was already a naturally quiet, and timid person, but he was even more so. Everything must be done carefully, and they had originally planned to blend into the background- although, Reiner seems to have forgotten that part.

"Hey, are you alright?" Reiner had noticed the taller man's lack of interest- for once. Bertholdt met Reiner's gaze. The blond had such nice, hazel eyes. They used to be a comforting sight, Reiner's eyes held confidence and understanding, but over time, Bertholdt noticed that softness had begun to disperse into something else. They were no longer eyes of longing or appreciation, but eyes of sharpness. They looked right through the younger man, much like everyone else's.

"What do you think?" A solemn smile formed on his lips as he spoke.

Reiner blinked before nodding, "Hey, you're doing pretty well, I wouldn't worry about anything if I were you. Although, this would be a good time to work on your figure, I bet you could be a powerhouse if you tried harder." The blond's attempt at a joke only worsened the feeling in Bertholdt's chest. Reiner  _ really _ didn't understand him anymore. It was only a few months ago when they shared quiet conversation with each other as they laid in their bunks, hoping no one would hear the empty promises they exchanged to one another in the dead of night. Now, Bertholdt laid awake to the sound of the deafening silence between them.

"Yeah…" Bertholdt looked at the ground beneath him. The sea of leaves looked endless.

"You'll be in the top ten, for sure." Reiner chuckled under his breath, departing into the dining hall. Bertholdt was alone, once again. For a moment, he considered going back to the library, at least there he would be doing something he enjoyed, but that decision felt very foreboding. If he left to be alone, he was giving up. He was giving up on showing face, giving up on their plans, and he was giving up on Reiner. So he went inside.

The dining hall was as rowdy as ever. People were shouting over each other, standing on the benches to further their long lost arguments that were forgotten in the noise. Some wrapped their arms around their friends, toasting drinks and exchanging food while playing cards. Bertholdt might have seen himself enjoying such a scene at one point, but tonight was not that night. Bertholdt grabbed himself a tray of food, left with nothing but the underlying mush that had since been cleaned out by the scouts before him. He didn't mind it, the food on top wasn't much better than the grime below.

Bertholdt made his way to his regular table, where the group of people who had been outside made home to. If anything had remained the same, it was their seating arrangements. Reiner had already been seated, talking through mouth-fulls of food. Many other recognizable faces were sitting or leaning on the table, their voices drowned out by the constant chatter around them. As Bertholdt maneuvered around the people, next to Reiner to sit down, he noticed the seat was already taken. Bertholdt felt his face contort to a grimace, but only for a second. He didn't know whether to speak up or move to another seat, so he stood there awkwardly holding his tray, contemplating the options. The person noticed him.

"Oh, do you sit here?" The man pointed to the seat below him. Before Bertholdt could respond, Reiner spoke up from beside him.

"It's fine, Bertholdt can sit somewhere else, right, Bertl?" The blond didn't bother to look away from his food, speaking only loud enough to be heard by the three of them.

Bertholdt clenched his teeth, "I sit here everyday." He wasn't sure if it was Reiner's rather mocking tone or the use of his nickname that struck a cord in the taller man. Bertholdt's words went unheard as the man in his seat continued his conversation with those in the group. Bertholdt felt weightless in that moment. The room was drowned in white noise, everyone seemingly blind to him. Bertholdt was suspended there, being able to see everyone and everything, but no one seeing him. He looked down at Reiner. Even Reiner couldn't see him.

" _ I sit here everyday." _ Bertholdt spoke louder, irritation in his voice. Now they noticed him.

"I-I'm sorry-" The man tried to stand, but was abruptly interrupted.

"No- what?" Reiner pushed his friend back down in the seat. The blond met Bertholdt's eyes, "What's your problem?"

Bertholdt felt his heart sink to his stomach. The table of people were staring at him, eyes filled with confusion and concern. At least now he was being heard.

"Nothing." Bertholdt took a long breath, discontent in his eyes as he turned away from the scene, breaking Reiner's stare. Sometimes he wished he could voice his thoughts, his anger, irritation, and disappointment, but there was no point. None of this mattered anyways. If Reiner was going to be distant, Bertholdt would simply abide and carry on-  _ like they're supposed to do _ . Maybe it was better this way. Maybe Annie had the right idea.

That night, Bertholdt retired to his bunk early. The people in his cabin stayed up, much like they often did, and talked between themselves. Bertholdt always got a laugh from the conversations, but he was not in the mood to talk about what had happened earlier, so he laid on the hard mattress, staring at the poorly lit ceiling. As time went by, he heard people come in and out of the room, the chatter often spiking in almost every occasion it happened. There were moments he almost fell asleep, his eyelids falling down and his body relaxing, but those moments were short lived. Bertholdt would always be distracted whenever he heard Reiner's voice, listening closely to hear what the blond was saying. He wasn't sure why he did it, probably to ensure the blond didn't say anything to jeopardize their plans, but that was just be a sad excuse to hear him speak. Reiner  _ was _ rather funny when he tried to be, and there was a soothing aspect to his voice. Bertholdt blamed the late nights, when they used to talk right until the moment they fell asleep, Reiner's voice was always the last thing he heard before he slept. Bertholdt wondered if the blond felt the same way- or maybe he  _ used _ to feel the same way.

Lights out happened sooner than Bertholdt had expected for the first night off, but he wasn't complaining. He closed his eyes to appear asleep, feeling his bed frame move as people climbed into their bunks. As much as he tried, sleep never came. The seconds turned to minutes, and minutes to hours. Bertholdt opened his eyes, adjusting to the darkness. The room was oddly quiet, it must've been late.

"Hey…" Bertholdt heard a voice to the bunk beside his. It was Reiner. Bertholdt stayed quiet, his body stiffening in an attempt to look asleep.

"I know you're not asleep." Reiner's whispers had gotten louder, most likely an attempt to get Bertholdt's attention. This  _ did _ get his attention.

Bertholdt faced Reiners bunk, surprised to see the blond was already facing him, his body close to the small wood panel separating their mattresses.

"What's been going on…?" Reiner looked somber, his eyes glassy and tired.

Bertholdt sighed, "A lot." He wasn't sure what exactly Reiner was asking, but Bertholdt was going to be honest about it. This was the first time they've spoken like this in a while, he was going to harbor it.

Reiner nodded, clearly troubled by the younger man's answer. The blonds arm reached over, his hand gently resting on Bertholdt's.

"What's been going on with you?" Bertholdt couldn't help but muster a small smile. Reiner had finally noticed him again.

"Not as much." Reiner returned the smile. The two of them laid there for a moment, unmoving and calm. Both had missed their exchanges.

"You're… okay right?" Bertholdt muttered quietly, worried he would ruin the peace between them.

Reiner nodded, "As long as you are…" Bertholdt moved closer to the divider, mimicking Reiner's position against the wood.

"Yeah… I'm okay." Bertholdt felt his worries fade. If only for tonight, he wouldn't be bothered by anything that had happened, he was going to relish in this moment.

"Good… I'm glad." Reiner chuckled quietly under his breath, his hand moving up to Bertholdt's cheek. They shared a brief kiss.

Only a few more words were exchanged before the two men fell asleep, with the same empty promises and lighthearted statements they often shared before they closed their eyes.  _ Tomorrow would be better. _


End file.
